Southern Cayuga ConversationsEveryone at the Table -- By Elaine Meyers
Imagine a table with a diverse section of your family or community seated---a political meeting, a club, or a holiday dinner. Now imagine that anyone at the table can present their opinion about a controversial topic without fear of reprimand, offense, or stopping the conversation.
I have been at such a table hosted by the Southern Cayuga FFA team for the last three years. Conversation is governed by rules developed by the National Future Farmers of America. These rules should apply to any discussion of critical issues needing community attention and action.
- We respect your first amendment right to speak. However, respect should always be demonstrated to cultures different from your own.
- Answers to questions should be answered with facts rather than opinions or stereotypes.
- Any issue discussed must have both the pros and cons presented and respected.
- Everyone must understand the importance of the issue discussed and the value of all sides being presented.
- Everyone at the table must speak knowing that their experience and the time they have spent researching and discussing the issue will be valued by the group.
- After the discussion, there are no winners or losers. Understanding is valued as the first step to solving any issue.
A week after the competition where Southern Cayuga placed first is their division, I interviewed the team. “Can you think of anywhere other than this forum, where issues are discussed with this degree of respect and responsibility?”
I watched as seven faces fell. All nodded with a negative. One young woman broke the silence. “I was at a community meeting that had a very skillful moderator. She kept the conversation mostly balanced, but she had to remind speakers that they must be respectful and stick to the facts.” We discussed the value of skilled moderation and the ability of respect to defuse emotions.
Another student continued, “My family cannot agree on anything. We have to be so careful at the dinner table, if we want to enjoy the meal.” I asked her to role play with me. I took role of “Angry Aunt Agnes.” She was to use her six rules to help the family survive dinner. As Angry Aunt Agnes debunked farmers, cozy political alliances, and academics, this student smiled, asked respectful questions, and never indicated that Aunt Agnes did not have a right to her opinion. Even though I was role-playing, her demeanor had an immediate calming effect. I found I could not continue to be angry and opinionated in her presence. The group agreed that the six rules could be learned, applied in real life, and get results.
We shifted to the value of making sure that all sides of an issue have a fair airing in any discussion. One student discussed her work with equestrian events and the topic of the best diet for horses. She talked about a recent conversation with an adult who disagreed with her choice of food. She was able to acknowledge their ideas and still feel comfortable with the choice she had made. She rested her case on her ability to know the needs of her horse—a colt she had raised and currently barrel raced.
A young man listened thoughtfully. “Talking directly to each other is such an advantage. What worries me is how so many people rely on social media when they want to sound off. The very nature of social media encourages breaking all of the six rules. It lends itself to opinion rather than fact. You can also take anyone’s words out of context and create a false impression of their ideas.” Everyone in the room could think of an example of someone on social media who attempted to derail a productive conversation about an issue with a short-sighted inflammatory message.
We left the room confident in the value of the six rules and the necessity of bringing all sides to any table if one is serious about changing the quality of water. I left our conversation assured that Southern Cayuga FFA knew how to grow leaders. I was confident that we would restore and enjoy Lake Cayuga water if only the adults could apply the wisdom of these youth.
Elaine Meyers, of King Ferry, is a member of the boards of the King Ferry Food Pantry, ABC Cayuga, and The Southern Cayuga Anne Frank Tree Project, Incorporated, and a member of Southern Cayuga Garden Club. She coordinates a literacy support program at Southern Cayuga Central School.